Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
