He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
