I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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