Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
