i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
