Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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