any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
