Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
