His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
