oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
