we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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