i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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