WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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