bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
