Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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