Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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