Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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