I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
