I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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