You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize