You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
