im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Acid is not a monday night drug
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
