dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
