Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize