Porn is love you can see.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
