she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
