I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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