i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
