i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
