my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
