i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
