You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
