I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
