some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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