i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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