Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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