My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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