dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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