fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
