Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
