hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
