Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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