Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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