My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
