Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
