i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
