I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
