I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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