Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
