youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Never underestimate the power of titties
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