onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
