Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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