every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
