are you so shy because you have an std?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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