Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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