life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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