I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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