She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize