So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize