When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
