Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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