i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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