I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
