Well apparently he's into motor boating.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
