apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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