I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
