I wanna bring you to show and tell
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
