I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize