i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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