My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
