Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
