heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
