Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
