i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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