The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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