what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
