If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
