i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
