Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
