Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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