how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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