I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
