Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
