There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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