Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize