Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
