How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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