I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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