Princesses don't give blow jobs
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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