I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize