I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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