Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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