i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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