my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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