On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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