Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
